Preparing for the first goodbye, 2001 |
I read a blog post recently in which a woman wrote to
her 15-year-old self. She reassured her
past self that the awkwardness of teendom would give way to a more relaxed
adulthood. It’s an interesting concept,
writing to your past person, but I don’t find myself reflecting so much on the
past as I do pondering the future, and I often find myself making mental notes
to the future Natalie.
It’s been on my mind lately because we are going back to
the U.S. this summer for a short furlough.
Making the transition from one country to another can be a tricky time
for me, and it’s usually the trip coming back to Indonesia that gets me. It can cause me anxiety, and to calm myself I sometimes mentally reassure my future self. It
goes something like this:
Dear Natalie of mid-August,
By now, Lord willing, you have enjoyed a few months of all
the wondrous things that the Land of Plenty has to offer.
You have spent time with your beloved family, visited friends and supporters, attended your 20-year high school reunion, eaten way too much, bought
clothes for the next few years, etc. etc.
And now, the dreaded moment has arrived.
It’s time to say goodbye, again. It’s time to wrap your arms around your parents and in-laws, kiss them, thank them for the good times, and say
the awful goodbye. You will cry. Blubber like a baby is probably a more
accurate description. You will think, ‘what
the heck are we doing this for?’ You
will have moments of questioning if you can really do this yet again and you
will wonder why you choose to straddle two worlds.
Years ago, you’d watch older, veteran missionary ladies and
think, “Look at them – they’re okay; obviously, it will get better, easier with
time.”
But now you know that, at least for you, it doesn’t get even
a smidge easier. It’s just as
heart-wrenching as it was 12 years ago, maybe even more so because now you know
exactly how far away the airplanes will take you. You couldn’t be any further away from home
and still be on planet earth. The moon
seems closer, maybe because you can still see it in the sky, while Savannah,
Georgia seems as far away as Pluto.
You will perhaps struggle to remember the good about where
you live in Papua. The stressors will
loom large in your mind: malaria, inconvenience, distance from everywhere, lack
of good medical care, the draining heat of the tropics, the drunks, just a
general feeling of vulnerability.
And so I want to remind you, Future Self, of the good you
have experienced in Papua: the friends you have, your home, a fulfilling
ministry, the school your kids love, the beautiful places. It’s hard to remember this when you’re
sobbing your eyes out, climbing onto a plane that will take you 10,000 miles
from your passport country.
But you just
have to remember the good; turn to the kids and David, and remember the
good. Speak to your Father, and thank Him
for the good, and thank Him for giving you such family and friends that make it so hard to leave.
And then sit down, put on your seat belt, and go.
3 comments:
What is your timeframe for the furlough trip? You have an open invite to Atlanta and we have plenty of space. I'm also hoping to get down to Savannah at some point before school starts and see your folks.
Well said. Like you, I am still waiting for it to get "easier".
Once again, Natalie, a beautifully written glimpse into your lives. We Weiseths have only had a taste of the overseas missionary feast you have partaken of; it's great to see you now applying some of that famed "Holsten Wisdom" to this latest of many cycles. Miss y'all.
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